An important lesson our 4-year-old taught us
Back in July, our daughter Scotti turned four.
Like most four-year-olds, she loves playgrounds. There’s one near our house that we go to all the time, but she’s always been pretty reserved when it comes to the taller structures. She’ll climb and explore, but there are certain things she has decided are just a little too scary for her.
The weekend after her birthday, we were at that playground and she started climbing up this big spider-web structure.
She made it partway up, stopped, looked down at us and said:
“Can you help me down? I’m scared to do this one.”
Justin looked at her and said:
“Scotti, guess what? You’re FOUR now. And you can do anything!”
She sat there for a second.
You could almost see her thinking about it.
Then she got this huge smile on her face and said:
“Oh yeah! I’m FOUR!”
And she started climbing again.
She went all the way to the top. When she got there, she yelled:
“I’M FOUR, AND I CAN DO ANYTHING!”
We laughed.
But something changed for her that day.
Now she says it all the time.
Especially at that playground.
The same playground that used to challenge her doesn't seem nearly as scary anymore. She climbs things she wouldn't even attempt before.
Apparently turning four gave her superpowers.
Or...
Maybe she just started believing she could.
THE PLAYGROUND DIDN’T CHANGE. SHE DIDN’T REALLY CHANGE EITHER.
That's the part of this story I think about all the time.
Scotti didn't suddenly become physically capable of climbing that structure because she had turned four a few days earlier.
She was probably capable of doing it when she was three.
The playground didn't change.
The spider web didn't change.
And physically, she hadn't changed much either.
What changed was the story she was telling herself.
A few seconds earlier:
I'm scared. I can't do this.
Then someone she trusted gave her another possibility:
You're four. You can do anything.
And almost instantly:
Oh yeah. Maybe I can.
So she tried.
It's such a simple little story.
But I think there's something in it that most of us could probably use.
WHAT HAVE YOU DECIDED IS TRUE ABOUT YOURSELF?
We all have stories we tell ourselves.
The difference is we've had a lot more than four years to practice ours.
Maybe yours sounds like:
I'm not athletic.
I'm not strong.
I can't stick to anything.
I'm too uncoordinated.
I'm too old to start.
I'm scared.
I'll always struggle with my weight.
I'm not a gym person.
I don't have enough discipline.
I'm not confident enough.
I'm not enough.
Or maybe it's even simpler:
I can't.
The scary thing is that when you've repeated something about yourself for long enough, eventually you stop recognizing it as a thought.
It starts feeling like a fact.
You stop questioning it.
You make decisions around it.
You avoid things because of it.
You don't try things that might challenge it.
And every time you don't try, the story gets a little stronger.
See? That's just not who I am.
But what if it isn't true?
What if it's simply something you've believed for so long that you've never stopped to question it?
YOU DON'T HAVE TO CONVINCE YOURSELF YOU CAN DO ANYTHING.
This is where I think we sometimes make the idea of "believing in yourself" way more complicated than it needs to be.
You don't need to wake up tomorrow with completely different self-confidence.
You don't have to stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself you're the strongest, most disciplined, athletic person in the world.
You don't even have to fully believe that you can do the thing you're scared to do.
You just need to leave room for the possibility that you might be wrong about what you can't do.
Instead of:
“I'm not athletic.”
Try:
“I haven't learned how to do this yet.”
Instead of:
“I can't stick to anything.”
Try:
“I haven't figured out how to be consistent yet.”
Instead of:
“I'm not strong.”
Try:
“I'm not strong yet.”
Instead of:
“I'm too scared.”
Try:
“I'm scared, but I can still try.”
Instead of:
“I'm not a gym person.”
Try:
“Maybe I just haven't found where I belong yet.”
You're not lying to yourself.
You're not pretending something is easy when it isn't.
You're simply creating a little space between what you've always believed and what might actually be possible.
Sometimes that's enough to take the first step.
THEN LET YOUR ACTIONS GIVE YOU THE EVIDENCE.
This is one of the things I love most about training.
Eventually, you don't have to rely on positive thinking.
You get proof.
You don't have to convince yourself you're strong.
Start training. Eventually, you'll lift something you couldn't lift before.
You don't have to convince yourself you're capable of being consistent.
Show up this week.
Then next week.
Then the week after that.
Eventually, you'll look back and realize you've been doing this for six months.
You don't have to believe you'll ever be able to use a barbell.
Pick one up and start learning.
You don't have to believe you can do a pull-up.
Start working toward one.
You don't have to believe you're confident enough to walk into a gym where you don't know what you're doing.
Walk in nervous.
Confidence can come later.
Every time you do one of those things, you collect a little bit of evidence against the old story.
Maybe I can.
Then:
I think I can.
And eventually:
I know I can because I've done it before.
That's the thing about confidence that I wish more people understood.
Confidence doesn't always come before you do the thing.
A lot of the time, doing the thing is how you build the confidence.
MAYBE YOU JUST NEED YOUR “I’M FOUR” MOMENT.
Obviously, we can't solve every insecurity or limiting belief by telling ourselves we're four now and can do anything.
Although honestly, Scotti would probably disagree. 😂
But I do think we can learn something from how quickly she was willing to reconsider what she believed about herself.
She was scared.
Someone she trusted told her she could.
She believed it just enough to try.
And then she made it to the top.
That's when she got the evidence.
Maybe that's all you need right now.
Not complete confidence.
Not certainty.
Not some huge burst of motivation.
Just enough belief to take one step that challenges the story you've been telling yourself.
Maybe you're not incapable.
Maybe you're inexperienced.
Maybe you're not inconsistent.
Maybe you're still learning how to build consistency.
Maybe you're not "not athletic."
Maybe you just haven't trained yet.
Maybe being scared doesn't mean you can't do it.
And maybe you don't need to believe in yourself completely before you begin.
Maybe beginning is how you learn to believe in yourself.
So think about it:
What's one thing you've been telling yourself you can't do?
What would happen if, just for today, you questioned it?
You don't even have to replace it with:
I can do anything.
Start smaller.
Maybe I can.
Then go find out.
Or borrow Scotti's version:
“Oh yeah! I'm FOUR!”
And go climb the spider web.
PROVING YOU CAN.
