An important lesson our 4-year-old taught us
WHAT IF THE STORY YOU KEEP TELLING YOURSELF ISN’T TRUE?
Back in July, our daughter Scotti turned four.
Like most four-year-olds, she loves playgrounds. There’s one near our house that we go to all the time, but she’s always been pretty reserved when it comes to the taller structures.
The weekend after her birthday, she started climbing this big spider-web structure.
She made it partway up, stopped, looked down at us and said:
“Can you help me down? I’m scared to do this one.”
Justin looked at her and said:
“Scotti, guess what? You’re FOUR now. And you can do anything!”
She sat there for a second.
Then she got this huge smile on her face and said:
“Oh yeah! I’m FOUR!”
And started climbing again.
She went all the way to the top.
When she got there, she yelled:
“I’M FOUR AND I CAN DO ANYTHING!”
We laughed.
But here's the funny thing.
She believed it.
And now she says it all the time.
Especially at that playground.
The things she used to hesitate on don't really scare her anymore. She climbs higher, tries more and approaches the whole playground differently.
Apparently turning four gave her superpowers.
Or maybe she just stopped assuming she couldn't.
NOTHING ACTUALLY CHANGED.
That's why I keep thinking about this story.
Scotti didn't suddenly become physically capable of climbing that structure because she'd had a birthday.
She was probably capable of doing it the week before.
The structure didn't change.
Her ability didn't really change.
Her expectation did.
She went from:
I'm scared. I can't do this.
To:
Oh yeah. I can.
And then she tried.
It made me wonder how many things we don't even attempt because we've already decided how the story ends.
WE GET REALLY GOOD AT BELIEVING OURSELVES.
As adults, we've had decades to decide who we are.
I'm not athletic.
I've never been strong.
I'm terrible at sticking with things.
I'm too uncoordinated.
I'm not confident.
I'm not a gym person.
I'm too old for that.
I could never do that.
Sometimes those thoughts come from an actual experience.
Maybe you tried something and failed.
Maybe you felt embarrassed.
Maybe you were picked last in gym class.
Maybe you've started ten workout programs and quit all ten.
Maybe someone said something about you years ago that stuck.
But somewhere along the way, “this happened” can turn into “this is who I am.”
And those are two very different things.
Maybe you haven't been consistent before.
That doesn't mean you're an inconsistent person.
Maybe you aren't strong right now.
That doesn't mean you're incapable of becoming strong.
Maybe you've never felt athletic.
That doesn't mean your body isn't capable of learning new things.
Maybe walking into a gym makes you uncomfortable.
That doesn't mean you don't belong there.
Your past can explain what you believe about yourself.
It doesn't necessarily get to decide what's true next.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO COMPLETELY BELIEVE THE OPPOSITE.
I think this is where the idea of “believing in yourself” can start feeling a little cheesy.
If you've spent 20 years thinking I'm not athletic, waking up tomorrow and declaring I'M AN ATHLETE AND I CAN DO ANYTHING! probably isn't going to magically change your life.
Scotti might be able to pull that off.
The rest of us might need something a little more believable.
So don't jump all the way to:
I can.
Start with:
What if I could?
That's it.
What if I could actually become strong?
What if I could be someone who works out consistently?
What if I could learn to use a barbell?
What if I could feel comfortable in a gym?
What if I tried this even though I'm scared?
You're not trying to convince yourself of something you don't believe.
You're questioning something you've been treating as fact.
And that little bit of uncertainty can be enough to make you try.
THEN GO GET SOME PROOF.
This is where the gym has taught me so much about confidence.
You don't need to sit around waiting to believe in yourself.
Do something small enough that you're willing to try it.
Then see what happens.
Maybe you walk into the gym even though you're nervous.
Maybe you pick up the barbell.
Maybe you show up twice this week.
Maybe you attempt the pull-up progression you've avoided because you assumed you'd be terrible at it.
Maybe you add five pounds.
Maybe you simply come back tomorrow.
Then something really cool starts happening.
You have new information about yourself.
You showed up.
You learned.
You survived being uncomfortable.
You got a little stronger.
You did something you weren't sure you could do.
Now you're not trying to manufacture confidence.
You have evidence.
And one piece of evidence makes it a little easier to try again.
That's how the story starts changing.
Not because you repeated an affirmation enough times.
Because you gave yourself the opportunity to prove the old story wrong.
MAYBE THAT'S WHAT BELIEVING IN YOURSELF ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE.
It doesn't always look like confidence.
Sometimes it looks like being scared and trying anyway.
Sometimes it's walking into a room feeling completely out of place.
Sometimes it's being a beginner.
Sometimes it's failing.
Sometimes it's saying:
“I don't know if I can do this, but I'm willing to find out.”
I think about Scotti sitting halfway up that spider web.
Justin didn't teach her how to climb it.
He didn't make it less scary.
He just gave her a reason to reconsider the conclusion she'd already made.
And she believed him just enough to keep climbing.
The best part came when she reached the top.
Because now she didn't need us to tell her she could do it.
She knew.
She had proof.
So maybe there's something you've already decided about yourself that deserves another look.
You don't have to convince yourself that you can do anything.
Just question the can't.
Give yourself enough room to try.
Then let what happens next give you some new evidence.
And who knows.
Maybe someday you'll find yourself at the top of your own version of the spider web thinking:
Oh yeah. I can.
Fitness Elevated
PROVING YOU CAN.
